What do you mean, No.
Thoughts from a former people pleaser.
Hi guysss, I’m back again
I know you missed me, no need to hide it.
But before anything…
N O.
Two very powerful letters.
Letters that can build or break.
Letters that can liberate.
“Can I use your pen?” Yeah.
“Can I take your milk?” Yes.
“Will you help me with this?” Of course, no problem (even when it is a problem👀)
But… for how long?
How long will you keep stretching yourself just to please people?
“They’ll think I’m mean.”
“I want to be seen as nice.”
“I want them to like me.”
In big 2026???
Look, I’m not saying it’s wrong to help people or give when you can.
But the moment it starts to inconvenience you, that’s where you draw the line.
The thing about people in general, is that we’re blooming opportunists.
It’s just how we are.
If they know you’ll always say yes, they’ll keep asking.
Again and again; even when it’s clearly affecting you.
And why wouldn’t they? You never objected.
That’s where you need to be smart.
Saying no isn’t easy; especially if you’re a well-known people pleaser.
You don’t want to suddenly switch up. I get it.
But you have free will.
If something will affect you, even slightly, decline politely:
“I’m sorry, I won’t be chanced.”
“I don’t think I can help with this.”
Practice it. It gets easier.
And trust me, you’ll feel liberated.
Honestly, secondary school me would be so proud of this growth.
(I was a notorious people pleaser ughh🙃😂)
Quick story:
A friend of mine was running for SRB (Student Representative Body) in our department. Truthfully, we convinced him too; wanted representation, you know.
Obviously, we didn’t force him. He thought about it himself, we just encouraged him.
He asked me to write his manifesto, and I felt it’s the least I can do.
So, I did.
It turns out he needed a guarantor so they needed some information and documents.
He asked me and I said why couldn’t he ask someone else, and basically, what exactly it was about. Because the information needed was quite sensitive.
He switched on me and said, after we convinced him, we want to leave him hanging,or words to that effect. I was stunned cause, he literally had a choice.
Later on. I told him that that’s not a way to do things. Whether or not you were convinced, if you need someone’s help, you ask politely, not be all emotional and try to flip the table.
He didn’t win actually, but I’m sure the experience wasn’t wasted.
If I had said no, I wouldn’t have been under any pressure to write his manifesto. I don’t regret it, I’m just saying I had a choice.
Another Scenario
My roommates asked for my shampoo once. Two people at different times. I gave them, cause why not.
This shampoo is a little expensive mind you. But I kept giving it out. “How would I buy a new one”, I didn’t think of that.
Until one day, I said:
“It’s almost finished, I can’t give it out.”
And guess what?
Nothing happened.
The sky didn’t fall.
Life went on.
Sometimes, it’s really that simple.
Stand your ground.
Say no when you need to.
It’s your No and your peace.
People will still respect you; more, even.
They’ll understand that you’re kind, but not to a fault.
Don’t sacrifice your mental health just to be seen as “nice.”
Don’t forget to say No today.
Whatever you do, do not say yes, when you mean to say no…
Remember the song??😅
don’t forget to
and
Love,
former people pleaser.
~crystal😌~